You Remind me

There is something interesting about you. Something familiar, what is it? How do I know you?  Didn't go to the same school. Don't have the same friends. Man this must be fate. I can feel it. He's the type of man I love to date.

Well Lord, he is saved but not big on church. Better yet, he knows the word. So its okay because Jesus, you know his heart. And, I am always there anyway sending up intercessory prayer. So, no need for him to sit in church. If I keep praying, he will change. So yes. I guess. I will commit. This  man may will change my last name.

What is this you say? You love me? Yet, sometimes you are here. And, other times you are not. When you're mad, I'm all kinds of names. I cant believe it, you hit me! Don't apologize, its my fault.  Something is still so very familiar. Nah, I'm tripping. Nevermind, just a crazy thought.

Wait, so now what's going on? What did I do? What are these words you speak? Do I deserve them? I mean I must, look at me. I don't deserve anything else.  So, it must be love and not lust.

Has to be love!  Eventually, I get a call and you apologize.  It must be, just has to be love. I see you from time to time. I know you're busy. You're a man with a plan.  Don't worry, I will continue to wait: however, long it takes. 

You have to love me because you keep coming back. What else could it be? My time and disobeidence to God a small sacrifice. I will just pray. God knows my heart. This is my man. So, I will just continue to pray. I heard a whisper in my mind: stop trying to justify. Stop it! I am not that girl. It is not abuse! 

Wait, Ruth is the hot topic of discussion. And, Boaz sounds like the truth. An example of the man God has waiting for me. My husband. So do I see any of his characteristics in you? Are you a man after God's own heart:  Provisions, Protection, Marriage? No, I don't see it.  

Jesus help me; my life is falling apart.

Pastor said read for understanding. My sister said seek your face. Lord help me to analyze. I need discernment. Jesus, Jesus, please come in and intercede in this place. I'm literally on my face.

God said: I am here.  I've been waiting for you. Be strong and courageous . Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave nor forsake you.  (Deu 31:6)

Jesus is whispering with love and grace. Stop and listen to him calling.  Why do you keep returning to hurt? What makes you repeat this path? He is love. Run to him. He loves you. The enemy lingers in the shadows were hurt and doubt consume you. Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt 11:28) He constantly repeats: I love you! I love you! Yeah, I know. I know. And Jesus thank you,  But I need some space.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, I remember you.  You are a bad example of a biological presence that was missing from childhood. A forgotten incident that should have stayed in my past. You are the first man to abandon me and tell lies.  Or, was it you that hit my mother? Maybe, it was you that sold everything we owned for a hit. Were you the one who touched me? 

Allow me to tell you who you are. You are my first!  The first man to hurt me: my Father. No not literally my Father but a replacement. I replica of a love that was never received: a father's love. So, How could I forget? Truth is: I do not have to forget. But to be delivered, I must forgive.

After so many years, so many tears, Lord I get it. I repent and only seek your peace.

Father, I hear you. Now I understand. Say it again: The thief comes to steal and
Kill and destroy. I came that they may have eternal life.  (John 10:10)

I see you and will continue to rebuke you satan. That was a trap of confusion wrapped with lies and deceit. For years you stole my joy. Not anymore, never again, say it with me Ladies: not today!

Thank you Lord for clarity. I love you Jesus! You are with me.  You never left and you continue to rescue me. Please guard my heart. I will trust you! With you, it will stay.  Free from deception, deceit, and dismay.

But guess what, today I choose to replace the hurt with love and forgiveness. I choose peace.

If you are searching for love, acceptance, validation of man: absent father, abusive husband, boyfriend, addict, someone who claims their example of abuse is love? 

Know this:  Jesus is love. We are his family. It is better to be mentally and physically safe in the arms of God, than mistreated, sad and burden by the abusive tongue and hands of a man. Just to say you have one. 

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”  Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers.  For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:48‭-‬50 NIV

God will never forsake you. He is always present.

Jesus answered I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

Don't be fooled. Pray for discernment and wisdom. Give Jesus you heart and mind. Tell him yes!